Manage Your Anger at Hard times...

When we are in a situation which causes us unhappiness or distress we go through many different emotions. Especially if the incident is one that is outside our controls and is of significant importance. When faced with grave personal loss we go through five stages: denial, anger, depression, bargaining and finally acceptance.

• Denial because at first you don't want to believe that this is true,
  
• Anger because you feel hurt that this should happen to you,
  
• Depression when you feel that nothing can be done about it.
  
• Bargaining when you start to look for alternatives or opportunities to minimize or overcome the hurt and, finally.
  
• Acceptance when you start to heal.
  

At times one may go through these stages very quickly. At times it may take months. At times one may go to acceptance and then relapse back to denial. These emotions are often felt when there is major personal loss. It could be an unexpected death, a job loss, someone special had left you, or a sudden diagnosis of a terminal illness. Academics say that it is normal for everybody to go through these stages. These feelings are not just unique to you.

However, the anger felt at such times needs to be managed because if one cannot get past this stage in a reasonable time it could lead to hatred, long term depression and emotional problems. If we can understand that everybody goes through these stages and that this situations is outside our control, we may , on our own, be able to manage it with time through acceptance and support from good friends. Some, however, may need a professional help.

As the cause of anger is craving, one often finds that intense anger is felt towards those we love the most. As such it is most important that we learn how to manage our anger so as not to hurt the people we love.

I came across these when my girlfriend broke up. It was my first love and it lasts for 3 years. I suffered a lot. And let me confess you one thing that i gave her a lot of trouble during that time, which i should not have. For me the purpose of living in the earth is to live with people. I like to believe she came to my life to make me stronger emotionally. Nothing else... I went through,

Denial. 'It can be over. She'll change her mind in a day or two'

Anger. 'How could she do this to me? I can't stand her'

Depression. 'I'm unlovable. No one will ever love me'

Acceptance. 'I m going to be all right. The breakup hurt,but I'm getting better'

Moving forward

Time can heals all wounds. A cut on your skin will heals in time, but initially it hurts. You have to clean the wound and need to keep from becoming infected. The same is true with a emotional wound. But there are steps you can take to keep the wound from becoming infected. Time will do its part, but you have to do your part.

Hope these will helpful for you,

1)Allow yourself to grief. I don't thing there is nothing wrong with having a good cry. I don't believe shedding tears doesn't mean i m weak. I cried many times and it helps me to release my pressure. Understand one thing, While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait untill it is digested.

2)Take care of your physical health. I used to threaten myself. Never do that. Physical exercise and proper nutrition will smoother recovery.

3)Keep Busy. Don't stop doing things that interest you. And more than that never isolate yourself. Try to be with someone who care, who gives something positive. I keep myself busy programming. I love Linux kernel. During that period i contributed my first driver to the kernel.
Then my friends helped me a lot, especially Jinto, Sachin, Jerry and Umesh. They used to hear patiently to all my worries even if I am repeating the same old stuff. Even I remember me calling Jinto at 2.00 Am breaking his sleep. Its the friends you can call at 2AM that counts.

Understand the law of impermanence in this world. You can recover form any distress or unhappiness.

All these words of wisdom are form Buddha and his advice is valid today as it was 2500 years ago.

One more thing " Don't accept anything blindly, just think yourself and if you can, accept it". Don't hate any day in your life, bad days give experience.
Study from the experience and life should move on.....

No where in the world you can find ultimate peace, but look in to you and find there instead. The peace no one can disturb.

With love,

Arun

written sometime around Aug 08.